Us Versus Them
Us Versus Them
by Leslie Gaddy
“All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take.”
Mahatma Ghandi
Suffering is nearly always a main focus in religious and spiritual teachings. This is because we all experience or have experienced suffering. We share the bond of suffering and at minimum can find a way to relate to one another through this bond. The polar opposite of suffering is bliss. Bliss is equally a main focus in religion and spiritual teachings. The organized systems of religion and spiritual teachings tend to cover the extreme polarities very well. The in between or middle ground somehow becomes lost. It is my goal to cover the middle ground and explain what it means to compromise, when we should compromise, and when we should not compromise. To compromise can mean to settle a dispute through mutual adjustment, to accept something that is less than one’s own standards, or to put oneself in an unpleasant position or danger due to reckless behavior. Even compromise has its extreme polarity, so it is important to have this basic understanding before delving right in. An example of adjusting to settle a dispute could be that one person using the term God for expressing their own understanding of ALL THAT IS, and another using the term Allah, but both understand that the terms used are nothing more than the way in which the other expresses this concept. An example of settling for less than one’s own standards, might be that you understand stealing is wrong and your standard of living dictates that you do not steal from others, yet you accept stolen goods or money from someone who chose to steal; or perhaps you faced difficult experiences in which you had little to survive on, so you compromised your standard of not stealing by justifying that stealing is okay when you are in need. Lastly, an example of compromising oneself due to reckless behavior might be that you made the choice to get too hammered to drive, then drove anyway.
When we compromise to settle a dispute, it can be very easy to get caught in the trap of being stuck in old and outdated ways; and the majority of the time it stems from always having to be right. At one point in time, the internet was not common for everyday people. The standards of communication, attaining knowledge, and even careers have progressed into the future very quickly. When we decide to adhere to or get stuck in the old ways we may miss the benefits of the new or be unable to thrive in the new. What if the Wright brothers had taken this “being stuck in the old” approach? Would it be commonplace to fly across the world? Can you remember a time that airplanes did not exist? If you are reading this, then for this lifetime that you are currently living, the answer is no. You have the choice, however, whether or not you want to get on a flight. Should all airports be closed and all flights canceled since you chose not to fly? Does another’s personal choice to fly impact your choice? A reasonable compromise in this situation would be to make your choice and allow others to do the same. The only way to move through and then past this trap is to acknowledge the opposite point of view, understand it, and then decide what, if any, adjustments need to be made. Adjustments should only be made when all parties involved are not compromised; meaning, adjustments to be made do NOT compromise the personal standards or personal well being of all involved. This analysis of settling disputes can therefore be a formula to deciding which adjustments, if any, need to be made:
Analyze the opposite point of view;
Understand the opposite point of view;
Decide what, if any, adjustments need to be made to find the middle ground;
A second trap that is easy to get caught in is the trap of self limitation or believing it is as good as it gets. We tend to put ourselves in categories and then reside there. Our self-talk reflects the category we have chosen, our actions reflect the category we have chosen, our emotions reflect the category we have chosen, and then the chosen category begins to replace our authentic personal standards. For example, when someone decides to follow the principles and teachings of Christ, it is commonplace to identify as a christian. Why not embrace the teachings and live accordingly? Why must we label ourselves? Are we using labels to tell the world who we are? Or are we using labels to distract from who we are authentically? Would living accordingly not show who we authentically are? This can be applied to any label we identify with. If I have to tell you I am a good person, then I am not living accordingly as a good person, therefore I am not showing you that I am a good person. If I have to tell you that I am intelligent, then I am not living accordingly as an intelligent person, therefore I am not showing you that I am intelligent. We are more than the labels or categories; we are more than these limitations. The formula for moving through the trap of self limitation is to
Analyze the labels we have chosen for ourselves;
Adjust our self-talk, actions, and emotions to match who we are authentically;
SHOW who we are rather than TELL who we are.
The third trap we can easily get caught in is self-sabotage. For example, let’s imagine we are playing a game of hide and seek. When we go to hide, we have to be quiet, we have to be stealth, we have to camouflage ourselves so the seeker doesn’t find us. We compromise our position when we are noisy or hide in a place that we can be easily seen. When we attack another for expressing one’s authentic self, then we are opening ourselves up to being attacked for being our authentic self. When we hold others to a high ethical standard, but do not live according to that high ethical standard, then we will be equally judged to this standard. Upon analysis of our own behaviors, feelings, and self talk, we are better able to see what role we are playing in self hindrance or self sabotage. The old saying, “what goes around comes around” is very fitting here. The universal law of attraction tells us that we attract what we emit. The holy bible tells us to do unto others as you would have them do unto you or you reap what you sow. In other words, what we are doing, thinking, or saying determines our personal well being, because the people and situations outside of us are merely reflections of what WE are doing, thinking, or saying. The formula for moving through the trap of self sabotage is:
Analyze our thoughts, emotions, and deeds;
Adjust accordingly, so that what we put out into the world only reflects what we want in return;
Treat ourselves to self love, self care, and self nurturing - ensure well being.
We are all sovereign human beings. We each have the divine right as a sovereign human being to make choices that fit into our lives and fit to what we need at that particular point in our journeys. A choice one makes does not necessarily make another’s choice right or wrong, it is simply making a choice that most aligns with oneself. The only time this becomes an issue is if another chooses for you and vice versa. This is because the only person who can know exactly what you need is you. Allowing another to choose for you takes away your divine right of sovereignty and captivates you into a reality and life path that is grossly misaligned to your personal goals, pursuits, and missions in life. Misalignment manifests itself through suffering. You then become a victim and your tormentor then reaps all the blissful experiences. When we reap only the blissful experiences, we are unable to relate to the suffering of others, thus creating a narcissistic persona equally grossly misaligned to our personal goals, pursuits, and missions in life. A narcissistic person cannot survive without a victim; human beings are never meant to live their lives as vampires. Our choices then, must be choices that are in alignment with our own journeys, are in alignment with the journeys of those around us, and in essence, our choices must be aligned with the middle ground.
May we all live in peace, harmony, and joy for the remainder of our lifetimes here on Earth.
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