Now is all that Matters
by Leslie Gaddy
“The art of life is to live in the present moment.”
Emmit Fox
Mental well- being is the single most important aspect of living a balanced, healthy, and thriving life full of peacefulness. When we are in poor mental health, we dislike ourselves. When we do not even like ourselves, we spend all our time with a toxic person. This is why it is so difficult for most of us to be alone. It requires having to listen to plaguing thoughts and scenarios constantly chattering in our minds. It requires looking at our own mental mirrors and its less than perfect reflection. Cell phones, computer games, movies, drama, gossip or trivial pursuits become our escape; only giving us an outlet for falsely explaining what is “wrong” with us. We tell ourselves that at least we are better than this person or that person. We quickly point fingers and find fault in all the things other people do or say. Then we preach to them the best way to fix all the problems we so graciously pointed out; this always ends in conflict, further distracting us from ending the mind chatter that keeps getting louder. Or we publicly unload our mind chatter to other people who are more than willing to pick us apart in order to calm their own mind chatter. Yet the mind chatter continues, causing us to desperately look for ways to shut it up, we turn to bad habits and mind numbing substances. We establish a system of avoidance, which never brings truth or well-being. Or we establish a system of denial. All humans get mind chatter. All humans experience anxiety, suffering, depression, and every spectrum of emotion. The most mentally balanced individuals have a complete understanding of ALL emotions, including knowing the benefits and damaging aspects. Denying that we get angry does not alter the truth, it only alters our perception of truth. We tend to associate anger only to negativity, but one benefit of anger is giving us a bridge to make positive change. It only becomes negative when we reside there for long periods of time. So it becomes important to acknowledge our emotions and feelings to better understand how to attain a healthy balance. Acknowledging our mind chatter helps us to better understand the imbalances in our mental health.
Acknowledgment is always the first step to attaining well-being. When we understand a problem, we can then find a solution. Note that acknowledgement is much different than getting caught up in a thought. When we focus for too long on a thought that brings us anxiety, then replay it over and over, we generate more anxiety and create all the worst case scenarios we can imagine. Acknowledgement is simply taking notice of the thoughts then moving on. But, what are moving on to? How can we cope when we have too many thoughts to manage? How can we move past the horror flicks that play repeatedly in our minds? The simple act of acknowledgment will show us that the plaguing thoughts have little to do with what is really happening in the very moment. We notice that when we simply stop and observe what is going on around us in that very moment, then we will usually find we are in a more peaceful environment than our minds would have us believe. Our minds might have us worry about not having enough food to last or have us remembering a moment that we were hungry, but when you observe your current situation, do you have food or access to food if you decide to eat right now? What has already happened will always remain in the past and what will happen will always remain in the future. The most important moment, however, is the moment we are in right now. The more we focus on the moment we are in now, the easier it becomes to manage the mind chatter. It truly is that simple, yet it is one of the most difficult challenges we all face.
There are many tips I can share that help me balance my thoughts. What works for me may work for you or at minimum help you to find the most effective ways that work best for you. The first obstacle to balancing our thoughts is getting started; an overwhelming task required to tackle an overwhelming challenge. Negative thought patterns are nothing more than a nasty habit that morphed into a nasty addiction. Finding a healthy replacement for this nasty addiction is the long term goal that can be attained through accomplishing many short term goals in between. Here are the parameters for success:
A positive outlook is fundamental. Our expectations are always realized, so if you expect the best possible outcome in all situations, then that is exactly what you will get. A positive outlook directs us to focus on the outcome and not get caught up in how or when. A positive outlook is not denying the reality of our situations, but rather to expect the best possible outcome despite the challenges we face along the way.
We have to be willing to accept the challenge. When we decide to move forward and make change, when we are ready to take full responsibility for our mental well-being, independent of others, without blame, and when we are ready to face and leave behind the states of denial, then we can expect the best possible outcome. The desire, however, must come from the self and the self only.
We must then face the challenge. This is the time to mount up and go to “battle”. When we find it difficult to face challenges, it always stems from fear, fear of the unknown, fear of what may or may not happen. What we have to do is wholeheartedly realize that the worst has already happened. Would we even be here contemplating if we had not already endured enough suffering to elicit change? We can only move forward at this point. We have already chosen to leave past experiences where they belong and in its place we are the life lessons we learned through those experiences. What remains is a wiser version of ourselves who is well equipped to face the challenges of this moment. We can deduct that the wisdom gained from the challenges we are now facing, will bring us the wisdom to face future challenges.
We now have to complete the challenge. This portion takes the most time and the most work. This is where we tend to get discouraged and want to give up, but we have faced the challenge and decided to complete it. What now? Is this something we can handle alone? Do we need support or resources to reach our goals? Are there any tools available to us that can assist during this challenge? Do we have a KNOWING that we CAN accomplish our goal? Once we have determined what we need, then we can devise a plan of action:
Give our plan of action a creative name, such as, Operation Weight Loss.
State the challenge, such as, I need to lose 25 pounds.
State the objective, such as, My objective is to improve my physical health.
Identify the obstacles. Imagine you are about to embark on a battle against a well-matched enemy. You know your enemy well because your enemy has been whispering its every move into your mind through your thoughts; you know all the strengths, weaknesses; that aspect of yourself that is preventing you from being the best version of yourself is the enemy.
Make an inventory of the weaknesses, strengths, and manipulation tactics from the obstacles you identified, such as, Weakness - pizza, chocolate bars
Address the obstacles and provide and create an attainable short term solution. The solution must be specific to the obstacle, for example, if chocolate bars are an obstacle, then the solution could be to decide not to eat a chocolate bar today.
Prioritize. For myself, I find it easier to begin with short term attainable goals that yield quick results. I can decide to not eat a candy bar today and that choice is much easier to accomplish than not having a slice of pizza, so I start with the candy bar. Quick results for solving minor challenges give us confidence to accomplish more demanding or difficult challenges, and lightens the heavy load.
Execute the plan and see it through. This is where we just keep going, we just take one step at a time in a continuous and determined manner. We can no longer look back, the past has already been realized. We can only look to the future through the actions we are taking right now at this moment. We just keep going.
Celebrate your successes, then create new plans of action.
Creating the habit of always remaining in the moment can safely replace the nasty habits we develop when negative thought patterns consume our minds. If you can imagine what it takes to keep our homes clean, we see that it requires daily attention to prevent messes from building up into messes that take large amounts of time and energy. The practice of focusing on right now is akin to daily house cleaning. Managing our thoughts daily can help us better manage and address the areas that require deeper cleaning.
Tips for always focusing on right now:
Stop and observe your surroundings.
Focus on each of the five physical senses. What do you see? What do you feel? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste?
Focus on your breath. Take a deep slow breath through the nose and release slowly.
Stretch your body. Only focus on the muscle you are stretching.
Indulge in your favorite hobby, keeping your focus on what you are doing in that moment.
Set an alarm to remind you of the” right now moment” you are in.
Create something new: art, poetry, story, song, dance, play, music, etc.
Hang out with your favorite people.
Do something nice for someone.
Spend time in nature, with your pets, or with your plants.
We can only focus on one thing at a time. Pick that one thing and get creative with your time. Continuously refocus to right now, because the most important moment in time is right now.
May we all live in peace, harmony, and joy for the remainder of our lifetimes here on Earth.
by Leslie Gaddy
Comments
Post a Comment